Why Embodiment?

A couple weeks ago, I noticed I’d fallen into an old habit of unkind self-talk and worry. Though the thoughts had been swirling for a few of days, I was just then starting to realize the feelings of anxiety they were creating in my body, which led to a lot of over analyzing and second guessing myself. Did I say the wrong thing? Was that person offended by my comment? What if my friend is upset with me? Am I taking up too much time/space/attention?

While this used to be my default setting, I hadn’t actually felt this way about myself for a long while. Applying some of the techniques I learned in The Wonder Sessions, I quickly saw the fear behind my anxiousness.

A little background: Transitions are normally difficult for me, and this spring is the beginning of big transitions for both me and my family: big moves for my kids in school this summer, and my own transition to a new focus with my business, has me feeling into a lot of “what-if”s these past few weeks. Then, recently, our school community suffered a sudden, tragic loss, the impacts of which I’m only now starting to feel come to the surface. Behind it all was fear… fear of the unknown, fear of not doing enough, fear of my helplessness as a mother.

Letting it all bubble up, to move through me… it was something I hadn’t realized I was avoiding, but also something I wasn’t really ready to process until now. All that grief… all that helplessness… and the all-encompassing fear of sending my children out into a scary, chaotic world… Sometimes, amidst all the good, this life thing is just hard.

My gratitude practice has brought me many moments of solace in recent days. I’m grateful for my Wonder work. I’m grateful for our online community with whom I can share in the journey of learning to be. I’m grateful for friends who help me stay connected to my humanness and help validate the realities of modern motherhood. I’m grateful for my mentors, the skills they are helping me learn, and the authenticity they model.

Of course, as soon as I tapped into the fear my body was trying to show me, and let it express itself… through tears and pillow punches and stretching and movement and tears… those unkind thoughts/worries quickly began to fade away. Since then, those critical thought patterns have popped up here and there, but they are much quieter and more fleeting than before. And now, when I recognize the feeling of the pattern, I have my embodiment work to help me express the emotions and release the energy so it doesn’t get trapped in my brain as self-criticism. I have my spiritual connection to bring me support and guidance when I start to feel lost. And I have such immense gratitude for these embodiment practices.